A white smile indicates a person shows attention to appearance and may have hidden garbage cans full of empty White Out bottles. Let your pearly whites speak for themselves with today's Groupon: for $49, you get a 30-minute in-office teeth-whitening treatment at Smiling Bright (a $169.99 value).

Smiling Bright's technicians unveil radiant grins with a whitening product developed by their blanching buffs that brightens teeth by two to five shades for up to a year. Mouth porcelains and coffee-stained grills gleam immediately after 30 minutes of pain-free bleaching that permeates mottled enamel without damaging it. Clients begin whitewashing adventures in either a private or couple's room by swabbing their own gums with vitamin E and mollycoddling chompers in a preloaded gel tray. Staff members then bathe bicuspids in LED light, activating ivory-engendering ingredients that sabotage stains. Smiling Bright’s carbon-based molecules penetrate tooth enamel without causing any damage and upon entrapping discolorations, attach themselves to the form strips for easy, clean removal.

Results vary depending on heredity and respective intake of lime-green tempera paint, but most natural fangs break the bonds of yellow stains. Patrons should avoid whitening if they have unresolved dental damage, wear braces, are pregnant, or want to preserve miniature modern-art masterpieces painted on their teeth. Each guest brandishes a complimentary toothbrush with which to freshen-up post-treatment.